love_poetess: cassie ainsworth from skins uk looking aimless at a party (Default)
[personal profile] love_poetess
Title: The Girl Remembers
Word count: 261
Rating: PG
Original/Fandom: Original
Pairings (if any): None
Warnings: Light cursing
Summary: She remembered when she actually had a life, not just a virtual one.

She remembered when she had a life, a real life, not a virtual one.

She remembered when she actually used to go out with her friends, though in that small town that thought it was city, there wasn’t much to do besides bowling or going to the one screen theater.

She remembered spending the endless days propped up against the boy’s back. She remembered kissing him gently, but wanting more and not knowing how to ask for it without looking like the naïve girl she really was.

She remembered going to the high school that now served the junior highers, which annoyed her to no end. She remembered sitting in class and looking out the window, wondering if this was really it. She remembered acing the tests though she never paid attention.

She remembered coming home to find her mother in her normal place on the pleather couch smoking a cigarette. She remembered walking into her room, dropping her too heavy book bag and falling on the bed where she got a mouth full of cat hair.

She remembered staring at her ass in the mirror and proclaiming it to be a nice ass, though rather small. She remembers cataloging her every feature and she remembers comparing to them her former friends and she remembers coming up short when compared to them.

She remembers turning on the computer. She remembers watching her favorite anime and laughing. But what she doesn’t remember is when she became fused with the computer. She wonders when that happened, but she knows that she doesn’t care.

Date: 2013-01-19 07:53 am (UTC)
perfectworry: black skies have changed into blue but some nights I still dream of you (but I've seen oceans)
From: [personal profile] perfectworry
Holy conflicting feelings, Batman!

I really like your writing in this piece. You do a really good job of capturing the small town, boring life troubles of teenagerhood. I remember a lot of the things she remembers: nowhere to go on Friday nights, and the restructuring of my school district, and the cat hair. I remember anime being my escape, too. Your story here is very short, but it's conjured up a lot of memories and feelings from me.

I'm a little unsure how I feel about the ending, though. It feels like a "downer ending," even though in my experience, it was more of a begining. I'm trying to reconcile my life with the narrative, but without any more detail, I'm just left with a lot of conflict - and I like it. I think there's a tendency, especially in memoirs, to tell too much, but you've left just enough here to chew on and want more.

(Hi, this is [ profile] meepalicious from [ profile] writerverse.)